Real Talk

An affirmation that all people have a sexuality

Adults with cognitive disabilities are experiencing their own sexuality, but may not be getting information or acknowledgement about this experience. Every human being – whether sexually active or not – has a sexuality. It’s part of being human. Sexuality can bring connection, isolation, joy, trauma, pleasure, guilt, excitement… often it’s a combination of things. What if we affirmed this experience instead of avoiding the subject?

A conversation about dating, love, relationships and sex

Open communication about sex and relationships improves interpersonal skills, increases the chances of positive romantic relationships for those who want them, and reduces the risk of STIs and sexual abuse. Sexualized imagery is prevalent in our society, but real talk about sexuality is often absent. What if we started talking?

A celebration of the sexuality of adults with cognitive disabilities

Often the subject of sexuality arises for adults with cognitive disabilities because a problem occurs – perhaps someone is acting in ways that bother people, or perhaps abuse has happened. What message are we sending by waiting until a problem arises before talking to people with cognitive disabilities about sexuality? What if information on the topic was provided proactively? What if instead of being a problem, it was framed as a celebration?

What’s the history behind Real Talk?

Real Talk (formerly known as Ask A Dude) is one solution that came from The Fifth Space, powered by Burnaby Association for Community Inclusion, posAbilities, and Kinsight. Implementation and scale is supported by Public Health Canada.

Real Talk was lovingly created by John Woods, Bobae Kim, Hayley Gray, and Irena Flego – with support from Charlotte Secheresse.

Real Talk and it’s theory of change was developed over a 6-month period. This resulted in an initial 11 video episodes produced and 5 viewing parties with 40+ participants. Outcomes include more comfort and less shame talking about sex; greater self-understanding; and a growing network of people that are ‘safe’ to bring questions to.

What pain points does Real Talk address?

Problematized sexuality

Far too often, the subject of sexuality only gets discussed with adults with cognitive disabilities if they behave in “inappropriate” ways or experience abuse. Sexuality is not to be talked about, which inhibits connection to body, self and others: key factors of a flourishing life.

Instead, we seek to celebrate sexuality as part of the human experience and provide proactive information, rather than rushing to problematize sexualty.

Risk and safety dominates

There’s a common belief that witholding information about sexuality protects people from harm. Data shows the opposite is true. Fear, discomfort, confusion and sometimes disgust can prevent staff and family members from having open conversations with people with cognitize disabilities about their relational needs and sexual desires.

Loneliness and isolation

Ethnographic research with people living with cognitive disabilities repeatedly surfaces people’s unmet need for romantic and/or sexual relationships. People with cognitive disabilities who also identify as queer, trans, and questioning face even greater exclusion. Their identities may be stigmatized or dismissed entirely as misunderstandings of social norms.

How do people use Real Talk?

Some folks watch the Real Talk videos on our web page to get information or perspectives on a variety of sexual health topics.

Sometimes supporters like friends, parents and staff will watch some Real Talk videos with a person they support as a way of starting an awkward conversation.

Sometimes folks show up at our free events to listen to conversations on dating, love, relationships, and sex – or to ask questions of their own and get reliable answers from a Certified Sexual Health Educator.

Sometimes supporters come to our Approachable Support Workshops to learn how to provide better sexual health support.

My organization supports people with cognitive disabilities. What can Real Talk do for me?

If you are in Greater Vancouver, Real Talk can provide sexual health education workshops for the people your organization supports. Real Talk can provide professional development workshops for your staff team so that they are better able to support individuals’ sexual health.

Both of these are free.

(If you are outside Greater Vancouver, do reach out as we may be able to accommodate you.)

The person I support has never mentioned an interest in dating, romance, or sex. Is Real Talk relevant for them?

People with cognitive disabilities are often assumed to be non-sexual and non-romantic unless they demonstrate otherwise. This can make it harder for them to bring up their hopes, dreams, and preferences around dating & relationships.

It’s possible the person you support may be interested in dating & sex, but may feel too shy to discuss it.

Also, people with cognitive disabilities are often excluded from formal high school sex ed classes. If they’re not invited out to parties or events with their classmates, they may also miss out on the informal peer education most of us get around dating norms.

Without this information, in adulthood they can run into problems around understanding consent & boundaries. There are lots of Real Talk videos about consent and dating norms. As well, we discuss consent at every one of our workshops.

This is useful information every adult should have.

Still curious if Real Talk is relevant for the person you support? Check out this video.

I think my family member could benefit from Real Talk, but I’m concerned that your values are very different from mine…

People are most likely to get their values and ethics from their families. At Real Talk, we don’t tell a person what they should or should not do.We do try to provide them with information to make informed decisions for themselves.We do believe that people have a right to information about how their bodies work, and why they might have certain feelings.We do believe that all genders and orientations have a right to dignity and respect, but we don’t tell anyone what their own values must be.